Loving Others to Life

In our last blog we talked about the importance of investing into others for the purpose of life transformation.

Concepts such as “discipleship” and “mentoring” have been buzzing around for awhile. Programs are developed; resources are produced; ministries are created – all in an effort to somehow reproduce favorable results.

Yet reality proves that people are different. No matter what “formula” we use to make discipleship “neat and effective” – we find that what works for one person doesn’t necessarily bring the same resultsin another.

If we turn to programs or formulas, rather than seek God’s personalized wisdom, we can miss tremendous opportunities to impact lives on profound levels.

The questions before us remain:

·        “Can I be a vessel God uses to love someone into their next stage of growth?”

·        “What does this person truly need to see about God; about themselves; about life in general in order to thrive in his/her current situation?”

·        “How can I ‘encourage them daily’ toward the goal of reaching their destiny in Christ?”

The level of personal sacrifice required to love someoneinto growth isn’t something we can package in a “one size fits all” program.

It takes deep intention to get to know them; to seek God on their behalf; to speak both words of comfort and words of challenge when appropriate. It takes endurance. It takes vision. It takes personalization.

It requires that the heart of God for that person be formed in us. In Galatians 4:19 Paul compares his passion for their growth to labor pains. It is no easy task, but the fruit is well worth the effort.

If the Kingdom of God resides in the hearts of man – it is only by releasing someone into the fullness of their destiny that we expand the Kingdom. It is all about fruit born in relationships not “programs”.

So who are you loving into their destiny? Can you identify those in whom God has called you to invest? If so, what is your vision for that relationship? How will you intentionally pour the life of Christ in you into that other person? Are you willing to pay the price? How will thiscause YOU to grow and develop along the way?

Pursuing the Life You Desire

“Do you want to get well?” It must have been an awkward question to hear Jesus ask the paralyzed man at the pool of Bethesda (see John 5). After all, this man had been paralyzed for thirty eight long years. Who would want to stay in such a miserable condition?

Yet Jesus asks, “Do you want to get well?” The man explains why he isn't well. No one will help him into the pool. He is unable to overcome the obstacles of his circumstance. He is a victim of an unfortunate situation.

Surely he wanted to be well - after all, he had been waiting at the pool where the stirring waters could heal him. Yet, Jesus asks him all the same. Perhaps Jesus saw beyond what was presented. Did this man truly want a different life?

And so it is with us! We say we want a life that is somehow better than the one we are currently experiencing. We want a stronger relationship with God. We long for greater intimacy in relationships. We want a better career, more opportunities. We desire to have a greater impact on our children. We hope to make positive contributions to the world around us – and so on.

There are many situations we wish were different. Yet while we long for our circumstances to be changed, we refuse to deal with the one constant in all of them – ourselves. Just like the paralytic at the pool, as long as our solutions remain outside our control, we have plenty of reasons to settle for life as we know it while maintaining the pretense that we want something better.

For the paralytic to suddenly become well, he would have to be willing to face a whole new way of life. He would no longer be known as a helpless man. He would enter a world of new responsibilities. Even his relationships with others would be radically changed.

Likewise, if we hunger for the abundant life Christ promised, we’d better be willing to deal with the mindsets that keep us from becoming emotionally healthy and spiritually mature. We better plan to “work” at changing some behaviors that keep us in bondage. We’re going to need courage to confront our self-imposed limitations and excuses. There is a cost to be paid. It is here that many disciples turn back and settle for a life far below God’s intended plan. It is here that YOU must answer “do I want to be well?”  

So where are you on the journey to wellness and abundant living? Do you have a plan to create a different future? Or, are you wandering aimlessly through life simply “hoping” a magic genie will appear and make things better?

 

The Fine Art of Communication

Ah, communication – that vital ingredient in all relationships. Done well, it can form bonds of greater union and cooperation. Done poorly it becomes a destructive weapon that can rip apart relationships and the very soul of another human being.

Communication is a tricky venture. While we often think of communication as speaking, words only account for about 7% of our “communication”. In fact, non-verbal clues such as body language, eye contact and tone “say” much more than our words. If body language conflicts with verbal language, the receiver is more likely to believe the non-verbal message. Thus eye contact, leaning into a conversation and an occasional attentive nod of understanding are important tools when communicating.

Another potential for frustration in the communication process stems from the simple fact that we all process words and their meanings through personal filters. We assume the receiver should understand our message exactly as we meant it, but this is rarely the case. The receiver processes your words and non-verbal clues through his or her own personal filter. That filter is based on similar experiences in his/her past. As a result, he or she may conclude that you meant something that you actually didn’t say. This is especially true when the receiver assigns feelings and motives to a message sent by the communicator.

Because communication has the potential to be so “messy”, skills such as active listening, reflection, and clarification are crucial when seeking to increase understanding, intimacy and cooperation.

Active listening requires us to give the sender our undivided attention. It means laying aside our own desire to formulate a response, assume we understand, or shut down the communication process. Authentic active listening can be one of the greatest demonstrations of love. It shows the other person that you care about their heart and their thoughts. It suggests a desire to genuinely “know” them.

Reflection refers to the ability of the receiver to speak back what s/he heard. The goal is to make certain that the correct message was received. In a sense, it is like mirroring back what you have heard said. The emphasis is on content of the message, but it is here that the receiver may also seek to identify the feelings and motives of the communication. (What was the intent and/or desired outcome?)

Finally, clarification allows the receiver to follow up with any relevant questions to ensure s/he has heard both the content and the intent behind the communicator’s message. This requires patience on the part of both parties, particularly in emotionally intimate relationships. Often we hear the words, but not necessarily the heart, behind them. In order to provide a “safe environment” for vulnerable communication, we need to refrain from judging, attacking, assuming, and belittling while working toward understanding, appreciation and ultimately love.

Learn more about other ways you may be sabotaging your communication.