Ah, communication – that vital ingredient in all relationships. Done well, it can form bonds of greater union and cooperation. Done poorly it becomes a destructive weapon that can rip apart relationships and the very soul of another human being.
Communication is a tricky venture. While we often think of communication as speaking, words only account for about 7% of our “communication”. In fact, non-verbal clues such as body language, eye contact and tone “say” much more than our words. If body language conflicts with verbal language, the receiver is more likely to believe the non-verbal message. Thus eye contact, leaning into a conversation and an occasional attentive nod of understanding are important tools when communicating.
Another potential for frustration in the communication process stems from the simple fact that we all process words and their meanings through personal filters. We assume the receiver should understand our message exactly as we meant it, but this is rarely the case. The receiver processes your words and non-verbal clues through his or her own personal filter. That filter is based on similar experiences in his/her past. As a result, he or she may conclude that you meant something that you actually didn’t say. This is especially true when the receiver assigns feelings and motives to a message sent by the communicator.
Because communication has the potential to be so “messy”, skills such as active listening, reflection, and clarification are crucial when seeking to increase understanding, intimacy and cooperation.
Active listening requires us to give the sender our undivided attention. It means laying aside our own desire to formulate a response, assume we understand, or shut down the communication process. Authentic active listening can be one of the greatest demonstrations of love. It shows the other person that you care about their heart and their thoughts. It suggests a desire to genuinely “know” them.
Reflection refers to the ability of the receiver to speak back what s/he heard. The goal is to make certain that the correct message was received. In a sense, it is like mirroring back what you have heard said. The emphasis is on content of the message, but it is here that the receiver may also seek to identify the feelings and motives of the communication. (What was the intent and/or desired outcome?)
Finally, clarification allows the receiver to follow up with any relevant questions to ensure s/he has heard both the content and the intent behind the communicator’s message. This requires patience on the part of both parties, particularly in emotionally intimate relationships. Often we hear the words, but not necessarily the heart, behind them. In order to provide a “safe environment” for vulnerable communication, we need to refrain from judging, attacking, assuming, and belittling while working toward understanding, appreciation and ultimately love.
Learn more about other ways you may be sabotaging your communication.
Communication is a tricky venture. While we often think of communication as speaking, words only account for about 7% of our “communication”. In fact, non-verbal clues such as body language, eye contact and tone “say” much more than our words. If body language conflicts with verbal language, the receiver is more likely to believe the non-verbal message. Thus eye contact, leaning into a conversation and an occasional attentive nod of understanding are important tools when communicating.
Another potential for frustration in the communication process stems from the simple fact that we all process words and their meanings through personal filters. We assume the receiver should understand our message exactly as we meant it, but this is rarely the case. The receiver processes your words and non-verbal clues through his or her own personal filter. That filter is based on similar experiences in his/her past. As a result, he or she may conclude that you meant something that you actually didn’t say. This is especially true when the receiver assigns feelings and motives to a message sent by the communicator.
Because communication has the potential to be so “messy”, skills such as active listening, reflection, and clarification are crucial when seeking to increase understanding, intimacy and cooperation.
Active listening requires us to give the sender our undivided attention. It means laying aside our own desire to formulate a response, assume we understand, or shut down the communication process. Authentic active listening can be one of the greatest demonstrations of love. It shows the other person that you care about their heart and their thoughts. It suggests a desire to genuinely “know” them.
Reflection refers to the ability of the receiver to speak back what s/he heard. The goal is to make certain that the correct message was received. In a sense, it is like mirroring back what you have heard said. The emphasis is on content of the message, but it is here that the receiver may also seek to identify the feelings and motives of the communication. (What was the intent and/or desired outcome?)
Finally, clarification allows the receiver to follow up with any relevant questions to ensure s/he has heard both the content and the intent behind the communicator’s message. This requires patience on the part of both parties, particularly in emotionally intimate relationships. Often we hear the words, but not necessarily the heart, behind them. In order to provide a “safe environment” for vulnerable communication, we need to refrain from judging, attacking, assuming, and belittling while working toward understanding, appreciation and ultimately love.
Learn more about other ways you may be sabotaging your communication.
